Smash Hits hitches a lift with the band as their 1986 tour winds down, following them through two festivals in France and Italy. The band refer to them as the "funny gigs" and with dodgy backstage provisions, crazy fans and a lot of mischief from the boys it's clear why. A refreshing behind the scenes view and a joy to read.
" “Oh yeah, and remember that Italian TV show we did?” adds Andy. “They kept saying we’d be on any minute and we ended up waiting 13 hours.”
“There was that bloke poking fun at our haircuts,” continues Dave, warming to the conversation. “I said ‘Well at least we’ve got some’. He was wearing a toupee. And when he said to Mart ‘Boy or girl?’ we beat him up. We’re banned from that station.” "
“Oh, wow. Another gig. HEAVEE.” A strangled voice, sounding strangely like Neil from The Young Ones, drifts from the dressing room. Seconds later, a spiky-topped, sickeningly tanned Dave Gahan pops his head round the door with a mopey look on his face.
“Oh man,” he sighs, “I was lying on the settee last night at home watching a video of Bladerunner (for the fifth time!) and wishing I didn’t have to come on tour today. I mean that’s what I call a really heavy experience.”
Depeche Mode are preparing for the 71st concert of the world tour. In the last four months they’ve played to over 300,000 people, sold out stadiums in America in less than 15 minutes and been as popular a live act in New York as Madonna. It’s all been a bit much for the singer of the Basildon group who began six years ago with three keyboards and an amateurish D.I.Y. light show consisting of a couple of coloured neon bars which they carted about in the back of a van.
These days Depeche Mode on tour is a full-scale professional operation involving 25 people who are responsible for making sure that everybody and everything gets from A to B on schedule and that the group are clothed, fed and generally kept happy. The whole system normally runs fairly smoothly, although things have been known to go wrong… like on this final leg, for instance.
“These are what we call the ‘funny gigs’,” chirps Dave. “We just treat them as a bit of a laugh. We’re playing open-air concerts throughout Europe but this time in all the more remote parts of countries we did before. We’re nearly at the end now and, I can tell you, I’ll be glad when it’s all over. Where did you say we were again?”
The answer to that is France – somewhere between Nice and Cannes in a little village called Frejus. Tonight’s concert is to be held in a large Roman amphitheatre which, when not housing a visiting pop group, is used as the local bullring.
Backstage, everyone seems to know it’s the first of the “funny gigs” and there’s a flurry of excitement as the Depeche Mode production team scuttle around making sure all the arrangements are in order. Of the group, there’s only Dave Gahan and Andy Fletcher here at the moment and they’re already finding these open-air concerts a little too hot to handle. The only shelter from the blistering sun are “portacabins” brought in to be used as dressing rooms and a small, stripey and precariously constructed canopy that has become the “dining area”. In a vain attempt to cool down, Dave brews himself a refreshing cuppa and Andy discards his black jeans to expose his Persil-white legs to the world (bleugh!).
It’s not long before Martin Gore and Alan Wilder turn up, showing off tans the colour of gravy browning and looking a picture of health.
They’re both in high spirits after spending a restful week on the island of Bali (near Thailand), despite all the “drunken Aussies” they encountered there and the two day plane journey it took to get to France. Martin, as usual, is looking especially weird, sporting black shorts with white polka-dots, a skimpy black T-shirt, green mascara and black nail varnish. (The perfect summer outfit. You’d hardly believe he used to be a bank clerk!) Someone is sent to find some beer and before long they’re all bawling at each other over the din of the ghettoblaster on which some woman is babbling in French like a female Gary Davies.
Dave seems to have cheered up a bit and he’s soon dishing out sarky quips and comments at 90 miles an hour. When Martin cracks a joke, he tends to find it more funny than anyone else and lets out a hearty laugh that can be heard above any amount of noise. Andy seems far more serious in comparison and is, by all accounts, the “business man” of the group. Alan is just, er, fairly quiet really, and doesn’t seem to know any jokes at all.
As the concert draws nearer rumours begin circulating that the support group, Eyeless in Gaza, have got lost in France so there’s a possibility that their place will be taken by the “famous” Blah Brothers – actually two of Depeche Mode’s road crew called Daryl and Nobby who (much to the group’s amusement) fancy their chances at mega-stardom. Eventually it’s decided that this is ver Blahs’ “night” and on they go to bombard the audience with their tinny Casio rock. Unfortunately they sound like a weedy version of Blancmange, with every song having the same drumbeat and squealing saxophone (not to mention a singer who sounds like he’s got a ton of cement lodged at the back of his throat). Eyeless in Gaza, who were only told about the concert yesterday and have driven all the way from Nuneaton, arrive 15 minutes later, looking very fed up.
Leaving them to stare miserably into their sweetcorn soup (yum!), I creep around the grassy backstage area and spy through the wooden fence (designed to give them some “privacy” from the rest of the crew) Depeche Mode limbering up for the evening. Martin and Dave are strutting about in not very many clothes, admiring themselves in front of a full-length mirror propped up against a chair and, if my eyes don’t deceive me, they seem to be wiggling body particles very suggestively to get into the mood.
When the curtains eventually drop to reveal Depeche Mode, they’re dressed properly again (boo!) but the girls still clutch their friends, screw their eyes up, open their mouths and the lads in the audience still start punching the air with their fists. Everyone also chants the words to the songs, although it’s doubtful if they fully understand what is being sung. One confused girl seems to be under the delusion that “Just Can’t Get Enough” is actually “Just Can’t Get It Up”. What?
And as Martin starts to sing “A Question Of Lust” – wearing a (predictably) black, short-legged romper suit complete with studs, buckles, suspender belt and a fetching pair of sheer black stockings as well as a macho pair of handcuffs fixed about his person – the whole arena is immediately lit up with thousands of flickering flames and the dewy-eyed onlookers sway back and forth to the music. Aaaaah…
After the concert the group have only 10 minutes or so to towel themselves down before all the guests arrive to meet their “heroes”. I’m beckoned over by Dave and, although he’s pretty knackered and sounding croaky, he’s in an extraordinarily chatty mood, launching into the tale of how he sprained his ankle – a major trauma, by all accounts.
“I got really drunk at the last gig we did and didn’t get back to the hotel until four in the morning,” he explains. “There I was lying on the bed and suddenly I wanted to go pee. I went into the bathroom and fell asleep on the loo. After about an hour I tried to stand up but I slipped on a towel and went flying through the shower – flat out on my backside, I was. I cried out for Jo (his wife) who got me back to the bed. I sneaked a look down at my ankle and nearly died when I saw the size of it. It was like an elephant’s foot. Huge. It still hurts me now…”
Suddenly a fan comes across and interrupts Dave’s extremely detailed story to ask him about his wedding anniversary which was the day before. [1]
“Oh yeah,” he groans, “I had to celebrate it all on my own because Jo has gone away with her mates to Ibiza.”
There’s a rather stagnant pause as Dave stares glumly into his beer. The fan pursues the line of questioning and when he moves onto the subject of babies Dave surprisingly perks up.
“We’ve been thinking about having a baby during the last year. We even considered it before we got married but it was hardly practical then.
[1] - This pins a date on events then, because Dave's wedding was 3rd August 1985.